Before You Swallow that Fly…

For whatever reason an old children’s song popped into my head today, as I was gardening, “There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly”. As a Music Educator, I recall teaching this song to my K-2 classes, who really enjoyed the cumulative effect of the verses. I even created a large, humorous “old lady” from a piece of cardboard, with a see-through panel over her stomach and cardboard animals for each verse. My students loved taking turns putting the animals into the slot that led down to her

stomach, laughing in delight as they watched it fill up to almost-bursting.

For those of you who don’t know the song, it starts with an old lady mysteriously swallowing a fly, for

no apparent reason. The lyrics cheerfully state: “I don’t know why she swallowed the fly: perhaps

she’ll die!” With each subsequent verse, the old lady swallows something larger, to devour the previous animal. After the fly, she swallows a spider, then a bird, a cat, a dog, a goat, a cow, and finally, a horse,

which ultimately kills her.

An early documentation of this story appears in English author Dorothy B. King’s 1946 book Happy

Recollections. The song was written by Rose Bonne and Alan Mills, recorded by Burl Ives, released in 1953. In 1970, feminist writer Meredeth Tax penned a parody of this song, “There Was a Young Lady Who Swallowed a Lie.” it underscores the theme of a domino effect that results when one small but bad decision leads to larger and more unfortunate ones.

Just a nonsensical children’s song, right? Then why has it become such a personal and powerful metaphor for someone whom I love and respect, IRL?(that’s “in real life”, in case you’re wondering..)

I’m not going to share her name, out of consideration for her privacy. I’ll call her “D”. She wasn’t an old lady when she made the choice to quit high school and elope with a young man she met and fell in love with on the boardwalk of Ocean City, New Jersey. D enthusiastically stepped into her roles as a young wife and mother, leaving behind a very privileged upbringing. It quickly became apparent that she had bitten off more than she could chew. Her husband struggled to find work; his character proved to be cunning and cruel; he destroyed relationships with employers and community members. The young family moved from place to place, causing upheaval and trauma among the children. Somehow, through all of it, this young lady continued to hold her head up, shine with optimism, champion her husband, keep the family together, sing songs, take part time jobs, swallow her pride and fear, while secretly compromising her own well-being. Just like the old lady who swallowed the fly, the size of their problems increased exponentially, yet she kept taking them in, hiding them from her husband, children, her friends, and her self. D made everything okay.

Years went by. D had become an older woman. Her children were grown, with children of their own. Without consulting her, her husband financed an RV and put their home up for sale, taking everything she loved away from her. She rarely saw her friends, children and grandchildren. The RV membership plan that her husband chose made it mandatory that they relocate to a different park every 2 weeks. This meant: driving their vehicle south for the winter and navigating the crowded RV parks during the busiest season; hurricanes ravaging the RV parks, costly and unforeseen maintenance on the RV and insufficient or inadequate facilities. Once a devoted attendee of her beloved Catholic mass, D was now

unable go, having been stranded in RV parks that were inconveniently located. Unbeknownst to her,

the money from the sale of their home was gone, never having been put toward the purchase of the RV, which was not paid for.

Money was very tight. For eight years this strong, beautiful woman continued to make the best of it,

this unstable, uncomfortable, isolated life on the road with a husband who had become increasingly abusive and angry. Health issues began to manifest. Emphysema and scares involving a bleeding ulcer, then breast cancer. D gave up smoking, championed her doctors, nurses and, incredibly, her husband, who vacuumed their tiny RV obsessively and made her tea and toast.

D never stopped noticing any moment of beauty in nature, texting us pictures of pretty trees, sunsets, and Sand Hill Cranes that flocked at the RV park. On the phone, however, her voice had become fearful and

breathless; she often sounded as though she were being listened to and monitored by her husband. She

was. Her husband continued to smoke, becoming more verbally and emotionally abusive while

alienating the few people left in their social circles. As the song goes, “I don’t know how she swallowed that cow”. She was in her late 70’s at that time. Her children tried multiple times to intervene on her behalf, to assist their parents with alternative housing instead of the RV. They were met with

resistance from D and her husband. We wondered, how much more could she take?

If you have looked up the song, or know it already, you know how it ends: “there was an old lady who

swallowed a horse: she died, of course!” Well guess what? D, the amazing heroine of my story,

changed the trajectory of this song. Somehow, her inner voice told her she could do it, and she did. After

61 years of marriage, this little old lady said “no more;” No more, when her husband critically injured himself and refused to stay for 3 weeks in the rehab center near their RV park, a convenience that his family had arranged for him. He expected his 79 year old wife to become his nurse and physical therapist, giving the same level of medical care provided by a hospital staff, only in their RV.

D could not ingest one more enormous, unbearable situation. Not another fly, spider, bird, cat, dog, goat,

cow or horse. She was done. And when you’re done, you’re done. She decided to leave her husband and the RV life and live in a modest apartment close by to one of her children. Her husband would have to figure it out.

D is growing younger; now at 80 years of age, she is peaceful and resilient. No more inhaler or anti-anxiety medications. She’s making new friends, taking walks in nature and catching up on just being herself, without fear or suppression-the way everyone deserves to live. I have so much admiration for you, D. Your story should be shared with as many girls and women as possible, no matter what their age.

It’s never too late to become who you are.

One last word: America is still a relatively young lady. When will we all begin to step up and help her

to be who she is meant to be: an America without fear or suppression? Or will we all just stand by, and keep

swallowing ? How much more can America stomach? I know an old lady who overcame the odds. If she can do it, so can we. Together.