Thanks, Deputy Dawg

Hi, Everybody!

Have you ever had someone/something get under your skin in a way that is unprecedented, in all of your lived experience? Have you ever spent an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about how you would retaliate, if you had the chance, and have you played it out in your mind over and over? Have you ever actually had that scenario play out in reality?

I want to share something that happened to me recently, as a way of making the point that thoughts can and do manifest. Good or bad. This was a negative manifestation…and my doing.

For the past 2 years I have walked my dog Jaco in my neighborhood around the same block. He is a jolly 15 lb Bichon Frise. I carry a supply of bags to pick up after him. A few weeks ago, I was paying attention to a text on my phone that involved a very personally stressful situation. I wasn’t “present”. I was not being attentive to my dog. Let’s just say that I inadvertently picked up some but not all of his morning’s “deposit”, which had landed on a thick carpet of tiny oak leaves next to a curb on the street. As I walked away, tying up the bag, I heard a woman’s voice calling, “Hey, I think you missed some of your poop.”

I turned around to see a 50-ish year old woman in a poncho, barefoot, standing on the lawn of her home. I walked back to her and she pointed down to the piece in question with her big toe (pedicured in a hideous turquoise color)...irrelevant...I know, but for those of you that like sordid details….she continued, “It’s obvious that you were trying to hide it.” How was I supposed to react? I knelt down at her feet and scooped up Jaco’s little “tootsie roll”, apologizing, and thanking her for pointing it out. In my opinion, that is where it should have ended. The plaintiff raised her voice and continued, “Where do you live? I have a real big dog. Maybe I should come over and let it shit all over your lawn.” Her arms were crossed, confrontational. She expected me to say something.

I was really upset at the level of rage that she displayed. My dog hadn’t gone anywhere near her lawn and the pile of leaves was so dense on the street that I hadn’t noticed where my dog’s poop had gotten to. An unfortunate moment. Here’s where my part in this whole episode could have ended it. I almost succeeded. I managed to say nothing and walk away calmly. The End. Not.

 I could’t get it out of my head.   I replayed the entire exchange over and over for days. I felt guilty for not paying attention to Jaco. I felt angry at being confronted. I imagined myself shouting back at her, making a personal or sarcastic remark. I especially wanted to call her “Deputy Dawg”, because it was funny and mean at the same time. It was an endless loop in my head, a trailer, already made for a movie. I continued to go for my morning walk at the same time with Jaco, walking on the opposite side of the street from the plaintiff’s house. I tied the extra bags on Jaco’s leash, visible to all. One day she opened the door at the same moment as I walked by, to stare at me. I stared back. “What?” I thought to myself, “Is she actually waiting and watching for me to go by?” Uh-oh. Red flag.

The loop in my mind kept playing, I kept taking that route every morning, as I had done for two years. I wasn’t going to alter my routine for some psycho. I’m being honest here- I was harboring resentment over the way she had spoken to me. Okay: the culmination of this whole situation: one morning I was walking Jaco down the middle of the street and he darted over before I could drag him back, and lifted his leg on The City of Tampa’s Garbage Bin in the street, outside of the plaintiff’s house. Game on. The door opened and the plaintiff came charging out, yelling “NOW YOU’RE GONNA PISS ALL OVER MY GARBAGE CANS? WHY DON’T YOU GO WALK SOMEPLACE ELSE? WHY DON’T YOU STAY OFF THIS STREET?”

I inwardly agreed that this would be my plan from now on, no matter how inconvenient it made my morning walks.  But I just had to say it:  “OK, Deputy Dawg."

I had rehearsed it in my mind, so I wanted to say it. Did I have to? Should I have said it? NO. A resounding NO. Because it launched her anger to the next level and she flipped me off and shouted, “F’K YOU!”. Not wanting her to have the last word, I responded in kind and kept walking. Did I entertain cosplay ideas of dressing up as a French maid and going to clean her garbage bin? And then after, placing a glowing trophy on top of it, from the City of Tampa, for having the cleanest garbage bin? I sure did. But that movie clip in my head ended up on the cutting room floor. I was too ashamed of myself for behaving the way I did. It reflected an ugly shadow aspect of me. How had I let that happen? How had I let myself become vindictive?

Maybe to her, it did look as though I were not being a good dog owner. Maybe I shouldn’t have been on my phone that morning. Maybe she has some kind of mental illness. Maybe she would’ve found something else to be angry at me for.

Maybe she’s just as angry as I am over what is happening in this country and on the international scene. Maybe we both manifested this opportunity to express our rage.

I’m sorry if I’ve let any of you down. Maybe you can’t even imagine me behaving that way. That’s why I’m sharing-see? I’m not such a sweetheart! But I’m a good person who can have a bad day. I am thankful for this demonstration of the power of my thoughts. Now that I am reminded about this, may I manifest wonderful moments. May you do the same. It is that easy.

Think mindfully; go to sleep with intentions to dream responsibly. Guard against harm to your souls. It’s a choice. Let the Light find you.

Until Next Time xoxoxo

Annie